New Superman Movie Leaves Americans Baffled By Lack Of Clear Political Agenda
The film has been criticized for its frustratingly nuanced portrayal of the Man of Steel.
Metropolis, USA – Droves of American moviegoers reportedly stumbled out of theaters this weekend, their faces a mixture of confusion and profound unease after viewing the new blockbuster Superman movie.
The film, which features the iconic hero performing a variety of super-powered feats, has left audiences on both sides of the political spectrum utterly bewildered by its failure to provide any clear, unambiguous partisan messaging.
"I just... I don't get it," said Dale McGruber, a 48-year-old contractor from rural Ohio, who attended the premiere wearing a "Make America Super Again" t-shirt. "He saves a bus full of schoolchildren, which is great, very pro-life. But then he hands out blankets to displaced people without checking their immigration status first. Is he a patriot or a globalist? The movie just refuses to say."
The film has been criticized for its frustratingly nuanced portrayal of the Man of Steel. In one scene, Superman diverts a missile heading for a munitions factory owned by a subsidiary of LexCorp, a move initially praised by free-market advocates.
However, he then spends the next ten minutes of screen time meticulously sorting the factory's recycling, a sequence that has been described as "a blatant concession to the green energy lobby."
Liberal viewers have expressed similar feelings of disorientation. "We were so ready for 'Comrade Superman'," said Brianna Wexler, a graduate student and organizer for 'Artivists for a Better Tomorrow.'
"There's a scene where he stops a corporate polluter from dumping toxic waste into a river, which was a real fist-pump moment. But then he gives a speech about 'personal responsibility' and 'the power of the individual.' It's like, which is it? Are we dismantling the system or pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps? I felt politically gaslit."
The confusion extends to the film's climax, in which Superman simultaneously prevents a hostile takeover of a small, family-owned farm by a multinational agribusiness conglomerate and stops a runaway train carrying a shipment of gluten-free quinoa to a Whole Foods in California.
"He's upholding traditional, agrarian values while also ensuring the uninterrupted flow of goods for the coastal elite," said a visibly distressed cable news pundit on a segment titled "Superman: Threat or Menace to Our Divisive Narrative?" "What are we supposed to do with that?"
As the nation grapples with a Superman who seems more interested in universal kindness than in picking a side in the culture war, many are left with a lingering sense of existential dread. "If I can't even tell whether Superman is a Republican or a Democrat," said one moviegoer, staring blankly at the film's poster, "what's the point of anything?"